10.24.12.

light at the end of the tunnel.

This was something I wrote to my fellow staff members at Beaver Camp but I’m pretty sure it’s something we can all gain a little something from. 

My dearest staff members, 

It’s been a rough year, something, I know that a lot of you can testify to. There have been moments of joy in the past 12 months but the moments of sorrow and pain seem to jump out as I look back on where my life has gone in a matter of 365 days. 

I recently started going to a church about 20 minutes away in the downtown area. The church is small with a congregation of about 30 with a true passion for Jesus. I love it. Tonight I started going to their women’s bible study, we’re studying James through a Beth Moore video. Ya know the book that starts out with “consider it a pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that testing your faith produces perseverance.” A verse I know we are all too familiar with. So anyway, tonight’s study was on anguish and joy. She made a lot of great points but a lot of the message itself was not taken out of James but instead taken out of John 16:20-22 which says: 

20 Truly, truly, I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy. 21 When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. 22 So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.”

Time and again over the past year of my life people have said there will be life, there is a light at the end of the tunnel I know they mean well and I even catch myself doing it sometimes but when I really think about it, it does nothing but frustrate me. Because I want to know why things aren’t great right now, why I can’t see His grace RIGHT NOW, why I have to wait on Him. Maybe it’s because I’m a girl that this passage is what made me realize but I wanted to share it none the less.

Few of us have gone through childbirth but we’ve all heard the stories, it hurts. But the pain brings LIFE! Which is exactly what this passage is saying, when the pain is gone you will experience true joy or the way Beth Moore put it “anguish gives birth to joy” but it takes choosing life, it takes choosing the pain to reach that point of joy. 

So maybe me posting this is just like all those people I was just complaining about but it is 12:41 in the morning and I was barely able to function at work today because I was so tired and I already tried to go to bed but as I laid there thinking about the study a few of you specifically came to mind and I wanted to share it with you. I love you all so much and can only pray that God speaks to your heart through this, He definitely caught my attention tonight. <3

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HOPE for a new beginning.

It has been over 4 MONTHS since my last post. That’s a long time, a VERY long time to go without writing. My apologies but I promise some day I will get this frequent blogger thing down. But since it has been so long, let me catch you up with some pretty big changes that have happened in my life recently…

For those of you who don’t know I am currently living on the west side of Buffalo working for a really cool organization called Jericho Road Ministries (http://www.jrm-buffalo.org) I was hired through Wesley Service Corps which is the Houghton version of Americorps. It’s honestly a sorta complicated process that I’m not sure I even understand. So anyway, I will working in an after school program for refugee High School students (yes, refugee does mean they are from another country!). I’m honestly really excited and very nervous. The work hasn’t really started yet but just sitting down with the rest of the people on the team has gotten me pretty pumped. But other than filling out more paperwork than any one person should in a matter of two week I have already been enjoying myself. 

So that’s where I am now and since moving to Buffalo, 3 weeks ago, I have had the opportunity to a lot of down time to think and process the past few months but have watched far too many episodes of Grey’s Anatomy instead. Naturally, humans don’t want to be in pain we have nerves on our fingers that trigger the brain to tell us to move our hand away from something that is hot. Well, emotional pain works in a similar way. No one WANTS to be hurting, I mean I definitely don’t so instead of facing everything that has happened in the past year I have just pushed it away. Which is exactly why I haven’t written a post in so long. You see, for the past few years, writing has been my outlet; when you have a hard time opening up and trusting people sometimes journaling is the only thing that keeps you semi sane.

Last week I visited some friends from camp that live near the city and while we were sitting in Applebees trying not to freeze to death we started talking about what we think about during our “down time” and I that’s when I realized what I said earlier, that I haven’t allowed myself much quiet time to think and process things that have happened because it hurts too much. I’ve been avoiding the pain but I can feel myself changing, I can feel myself becoming more bitter and less recognizable to the ones I love.  As some of you may know the year of 2012 has not been an easy one for me. It’s been a year of struggle and pain; a year that at times I would have loved to just skip right through. Don’t get me wrong, there have been some great things that have happened in the past 9 months but there have been way too many negative things. It’s definitely not been a year I would have ever anticipated happening. 

If a year ago you had come up to me and said I would be living in Buffalo working with refugees after graduation I would have considered you crazy. Then again if you had told me that in the next year I would lose a close friend in a car accident, and for lack of a better way to put it… walk away from my faith I would have walked away from you. You see a year ago I was on fire for God and everything made sense. Don’t get me wrong, my life wasn’t perfect by any means but I trusted that God knew what He was doing and I saw His hand in almost every aspect of my life. 

So here I am. Approximately 365 days later still not sure if that person still exists, that optimistic, happy person. That bitterness I mentioned earlier has taken over. I have made choices that I NEVER thought I would ever make. Struggled with things I never imagined to be facing at 21. People are always saying things will get better, just wait for it. My question is why do I have to wait for it? Why can’t things be better right now? Why does God have to teach me something through so many shitty things instead of just telling me? Yes I know things will get better. Yes somewhere inside of me I believe that God knows exactly what He’s doing but right now believing that is a lot of work, a lot of energy and a lot of motivation that I seem to have lost over the past few months. I’ll get there eventually but right now I’m just holding on to the little hope I have that there is a new beginning in store for me…. 

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5.21.12.

last call for snack shop.

Someone recently asked me why I love camp so much and surprisingly enough I wasn’t sure how to answer. It’s not that I don’t know why I love it so much, I’m just not sure how to explain it to someone who has never been there. The staff, the campers, and even guest groups can understand it. that amazing feeling I get as orientation and the beginning of the summer nears, or how the nastiest water is my favorite place to swim, or the fact that I know without a doubt that every Sunday we’ll have grilled cheese and soup for dinner make up the reasons why I love camp. I can’t explain why I love camp because it’s not just the people, the campers, and the location it’s the fact that it’s a place that has become a part of me over the past 14 years. This post is that piece of me. 

 

the rule speech. 

It all started the year I turned 7. My parents sat me down and told me they had signed me up for “Short-residence” camp at Beaver Camp. I had been there before, every summer in fact, my church visited there, my family visited there, but my parents had never left me there. I was pumped to say the least, I’m think I begged my mom to pack my bag like a week before I left. I was so excited to be there ALL BY MYSELF! So there we were on a Sunday afternoon driving down the infamous Buck Point Road to find none other than Mike Judd standing at the entrance of what is now my favorite place on earth. I anxiously sat in the back seat with my best friend as he searched the cabin list for our names until finally he said it, “Balsam”. I was 7 and had never really paid attention to the names of the buildings around the camp but I assumed it was one of the cabins under the lodge (with a bathroom). HA, joke’s on me since Balsam is the one cabin that will never have a bathroom because it’s right over the water but I loved it nonetheless.

Short residence camp lasts 3 days and 2 nights, which for most 7 year olds would be more than enough but for me, it wasn’t even close. If someone were to ask me to list of some of the things we did or the staff that were there that summer I would have nothing for them because I simply can’t remember anything other than having fun. 3 days and 2 nights is like no time at all but that’s seriously all it took to start a 14-year tradition and my unexplainable love of Beaver Camp. 

 

counselor hunt.

counselor hunt. freeze tag. peek around the corner. the giant (dangerous) water slide. survivor. wolf hunt. they were all reasons I loved being at camp as a kid. i even loved the swim test. I loved it all. anything fun and active were my kinda things and that’s what camp was all about. To be completely honest, much like my first year at camp I don’t remember many details of things that happened but I remember I always had fun. Life was so easy then, no one cared what he or she looked like, - although by the looks of some of our pictures, maybe we should have - the “purple speech” wasn’t even necessary, the flying squirrel was the big “high element” and the counselors were the most amazing people in the world. my love for camp revolved around having fun. 

snack shop.

so eventually i went from loving camp because of the games to loving it because of the people that were there. i’m pretty much positive that i met some of the most amazing people during my 11 years as a camper. some challenged my faith while others were just great people to be around. some of the friendships lasted the 6 days we were there and others are still thriving. there’s something about spending 6 days with the same people, in a small place that really brings you together.

challenge course. 

so the main reason camp even exists is to be a ministry. im sitting here trying to figure out when camp went from being all about fun to being about my relationship with God and i realized it was every year. even if devos or fireside weren’t my favorite part of camp every year they were there and i know at the end of every week i was reminded of how awesome God was. 

i titled this section challenge course because that’s what camp become for me during my last few years as a camper. the people, the games, the camp-outs, and especially the firesides… they all challenged me as a person and in particular my faith. 

balsam.

God. the games. the people. the location. I mentioned earlier that my love for camp started in my first cabin. there really is something about balsam, the fact that the floor creek, it cabin will never actually be clean, the beds (at least until now) have been older than me, the fact that every morning you can wake up and see the sun rising over the lake, or hear the loons, or feel the cool lake breeze as you fall asleep at night. balsam isn’t just an awesomely rugged cabin but it’s the closest i can get to summing up what camp is to me.  

friday night fireside.

the worst part of camp has always been the friday night fireside. it’s the night where the parents come, we sing some songs, we say our goodbyes, and another amazing week at camp is over. 

in less than a month i will be starting my 14th summer at camp. but it will also be my last. I spent a total of 11 summers as a camper and now 3 years as a staff and have loved every single one of them. but it’s time for the friday night fireside. i have no idea how i’m going to say goodbye to this part of my life when august comes around… i know camp will always be there and i’ll come back and visit but this “week” of my life has to come to an end. as hard as it’s going to be for me to say goodbye, i know this summer is going to be amazing, i’m really pumped God is letting me a part of it. 

i don’t ever do this, but i’m dedicating this post to the staff. not just the amazing staff i’ve worked with but the staff that made camp what it was when i was 7 and 13 and every other year i arrived on a sunday and left on a friday because that’s honestly what made me fall in love with camp. 

 

 

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5.05.12.

fear.

When I was a freshman in high school, I looked up to the seniors in my school and thought so highly of them. They had it all together; they were going to college or starting their careers, they knew exactly what they wanted. So what was wrong with me? Why, when I was a senior, was I so scared about what came next? Why didn’t I know exactly what school was I supposed to go to? Or what my major was supposed to be? Why was I the one with no direct plan in life? 

Well, at least no one knew. I’ve always had a “plan.” Or at least an answer to the question “what are your plans after school?” I had a perfectly structured response, with no errors or spaces. I covered everything anyone could think of. But I knew it was all fake, I knew I actually had no idea where my life was headed. I just hoped it was forward. 

So here I am, a 20 year old senior in college feeling the same way I did in high school. Except now my story is that much more detailed. About 3 months ago I decided to apply to Wesley Service Corps. in Buffalo, pretty much on a whim. I didn’t actually expect it to go anywhere but over my spring break I received an email regarding a second interview with one of the ministries within Wesley Corps. After completing that interview, I honestly felt so blessed to have the opportunity to meet such great people and learn about such a great ministry. In the days to follow the interview I received 3 more interview opportunities within other ministries. So here I am with the opportunity to potentially be offered 4 different positions doing great things with in the city of Buffalo and all I can think is how scared and overwhelmed I am at the whole thing. This whole growing up thing is the scariest thing. Oh I know, God has everything planned and I have no reason to be scared but I am. I don’t have a plan, I’m not even sure how to decide who to interview with. 

But growing up isn’t just about knowing what I’m going to do or where I’m going to live but it’s about who I am going to be. Am I becoming the person that I want to be? The woman of God that I am called to be? Is that who I am right now? This question scares me the most because I don’t have an answer. I can’t fake this one, no matter how hard I try I can’t come up with an answer, at least not an answer that I like very much.

I’m being honest when I say I’m scared to death about the future. But I’m also telling the truth when I say that it’s ok not to know or at least He promises it to be that way

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" 



this is my life.

-ris

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fake.

So here’s the thing, when I started this blog I said that it was going to be about how giving up dating this year was effecting my life and my walk with God. Well, all of my past posts have been directly dealing with relationships of the dating type. That being said I wanted to warn you that this post will most likely not have much to do with dating relationships, maybe a little but for the most part I feel like God has something else in store for me to share. 

Approximately two weeks ago I blogged about my struggle with finding purpose in life on any level, both in and outside of my faith. I have received a few messages regarding that post where people are sharing they have felt the same way recently or are currently dealing with the same thing, what an encouragement so thank you all who spoke to me. This past weekend I decided to spend a lot of time alone and just try this whole “personal retreat” thing that other people have talked about with me. I definitely realized that I need to do this more often I really had the opportunity to think about a lot of things and start to face things I had suppressed for so long. I spent most of the week and weekend just journaling, spending hours on end just writing down what I was thinking. I didn’t filter my thoughts like I usually do but instead wrote everything down, my frustrations, my fears, and my thoughts about everything else that came to mind. For those of you who are afraid to take a look at what has happened in your past, whether it be years ago or even a few days ago, try writing it down. Don’t think about WHAT you’re writing but think about how you’re feeling, it was honestly the only thing that has helped me in months. I have yet to go back and read everything I’ve read and maybe that will hurt more than writing it all down but it has definitely helped to begin to face the things that have happened. 

In writing everything down and just thinking about myself as a person I realized that I absolutely hate who I have become because I have become the one person I have always complained about- a fraud. I absolutely love Houghton and have, for the most part, enjoyed my years here but one thing that has bothered me since the beginning is the lack of truly genuine people on campus and I am not the only one that shares this opinion. I had dinner with some great people tonight and while we were there we discussed this exact topic. We all shared our frustrations on the topic and I really felt like I should share some of the conversation with you all. I think God truly has a message here for more than just the students of Houghton College. I will not apologize for how forward the message is simply because I’m in no way omitting myself from it, it’s directed just as much towards me as it is anyone else. 

Everyone does it, we all complain when we find out we were lied to or when we realize the person we’ve been getting to know is nothing like what we thought but yet we all do it. I’m  pretty much positive that there’s not a single one of you who can honestly say that you have ALWAYS been true to yourself so where’s the problem? Is it that we can’t be totally genuine or is it the fact that we complain about the issue and then in fact do the same thing we’re complaining about? It makes sense right? If everyone is complaining about people not being genuine then the amount of genuineness should in fact increase, right? But unfortunately it’s that simple and I think we sometimes need more of a motivation 

For me it’s the hypocrisy. I absolutely can’t stand when people are hypocrites, when do we feel like we need to be fake and dishonest about who we are depending on who we are with or where we are? Sure I understand there’s a line where we need to be careful HOW we say something to someone in order not to unnecessarily offend the other person but that does NOT give anyone a right to be entirely fake about who they actually are. 

One of the most common complaints that non-christians have about Christians is their hypocrisy, the fact that they’re one person in Church and are a completely different person every other day of the week. What type of witness is that? Let me answer for you, it’s not one, at all. 

I think as Christians we feel like we need to be seen in a way that follows that of the Bible which isn’t actually true, we do not need to be SEEN in a way congruent to the Word but we need to BE congruent to the word and if you’re not don’t call yourself a Christian. If you are honestly pursuing a relationship with God and are at a low point, that’s one thing but to live a life completely separate of the Word and then call yourself a Christian is doing nothing but hurt your reputation and those of real Christians. One of the girls at dinner put this, I think, in the best way- “own who you are!” Whoever it is that you are, own it. If you’re honestly a Christian, actively pursuing a relationship with God OWN it! If you are a player or a slut OWN it. Don’t let people think you are this person with everything in order,  that’s on fire for God or whatever but on the side be sleeping around with who knows who. YOU alone are responsible for your decisions and the reputation you build for yourself, trust me it’s a lot easier to just own those choices then try to cover them up because a lie will ALWAYS surface. 

So who ever you are, OWN it and be yourself… be who you choose to be! Obviously that can be scary sometimes, we worry about what people are going to think of us, how people are going to judge us, what ever it may be that’s stopping you- face it! That being said Christians especially- don’t you dare judge these people for their lifestyle. Do NOT make them feel less because you think your lifestyle is what’s better or what’s right. There is not a single person on this earth that’s perfect so own the fact that you’re not and don’t try to tear others down. 

So obviously I would love for all of you to choose to follow Christ, to honestly pursue a relationship with Him with everything in you BUT I understand that is probably not going to happen but know that whoever it is you actually are, I would love to get to know that side and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Don’t fear but instead, own. 

this is my life. 

ris. 

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4.12.12.

Reblog if you worked out today. I’ll follow you.

(Source: mylife-mylove-mybody, via i-wouldnt-mind-it)

1467

3.26.12.

mirror, mirror

This could possibly be the most honest post I’ll ever write. I have spent the past week thinking about it; thinking whether or not I would post it, whether or not I could be this vulnerable, this honest but here I am. I’m putting myself out there, which scares me beyond belief but I’m doing it none the less. It is also my longest post, but I PROMISE it WILL be worth your read. 

My summer had started off pretty rough, my boyfriend and I broke up right before I left the country to study photography in Africa and then being away from family made everything that much worse. But, like I said, God was faithful, he taught me so much while I was away and I’ll be forever thankful for that. So anyways the summer went on and when it came time to come back to school I was so ready. I remember thinking about the coming year and realizing that I knew where God had me at that moment and where I was going to be the following summer but for some reason I couldn’t envision the time in between. I had this gut feeling that something big was going to happen, I just didn’t know what. Well I was wrong (sort of!) A LOT of big things have happened in the past few months. 

Sometimes I look at myself and honestly don’t recognize the person I see. Time and I again I look back to see if i can figure out the “moment of impact”- that moment that changed it all but there isn’t one- it was everything together, that made up this person I no longer recognize. 

One of the most important pieces of information you could possibly know about me is i suppress my emotions, or at least I try really hard to. When big (bad) things happen I just pretend it’s ok or I choose not to think about it so I don’t have to feel anything. I would NOT advise anyone to try this, it played a huge part in creating this stranger I call me. 

December 11, 2011 I received a text message from a dear friend informing me that a mutual and very close friend had been killed in a car accident. I literally forced myself to cry, I wasn’t sure what else to do. I had, thankfully, never before lost a close friend or anyone really close for that matter. I was in shock, more so than I think I ever have been before, accepting the fact that Nancy had died seemed almost impossible to handle. It would be too many strong emotions thrown at me all at once so I chose to feel nothing. Don’t get me wrong I cried here and there but never really thought about what it meant to have lost her and the numbness I created during this was what I would consider a huge part in the changes I made to my lifestyle. 

Deep down I wanted to feel, I wanted to cry and mourn over Nancy’s death but I couldn’t bring myself to face it all so I stopped thinking about everything and began just making choices, unfortunately not so many great ones. I felt God calling me to take the year off from dating so I committed to it, well I tried anyways. Since making the decision to put God first I have found myself making more stupid decisions than ever before. I literally stopped thinking about the things I was doing and their possible consequences and just did them. 

I have never been one to support partying/excessive drinking- I’m not condemning the people who do I just never wanted it for myself. I did occasionally have a drink (I know it’s against the community covenant but I promised honesty) but around this time last year I felt really convicted about the drinking I was doing and decided not to drink at all until I was of age. I recently made some “exceptions” to this decision and I eventually found myself at a party. Nothing crazy happened while I was there but afterwards a lot more people seemed to talk to me, people I had known beforehand but were never friends with until after the party. 

It all got me thinking about what the point was. If these people couldn’t be friends with me before they saw me at the party, was the only thing that made us friends was the fact we were both present at the same event? What type of friendship could come of this, if I didn’t even know how I actually felt about the whole partying scene? Nothing seemed to have a purpose or meaning; my hook-ups had gotten me no where but either hurt or in awkward positions, the new scene wasn’t making me feel any better, but even more than that I didn’t even see a point to this year long commitment I had made.

I had decided freshman year I wasn’t going to date unless it was someone I saw myself marrying and there had been a pre cursing developed friendship. Then my ex came along and I was convinced he was the person God wanted me to marry, he was perfect and we had been friends for so long so it was exactly what I had wanted and prayed for. Even that didn’t work out (story for another post) and I ended up with a broken heart and a messed up friendship; so where was God in all of this? I found literally no purpose in any of life, if making the “right” decisions led to the same pain and emptiness I experienced when I just lived in the moment, what was the point? 

So here I am struggling with this issue, what is the point and where is the purpose in life? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not giving up on my faith and I have already started believing more strongly that choosing the high road is in fact better it’s just not going to be easy. That all being said, I know I have a long road ahead of me, well God and I have a long road ahead of me, but I will keep pressing on and not give up. 

this is my life. 

ris. 

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3.08.12.

Moments of impact and emotional porn

Sorry for the delay folks, it has been a crazy first few days back to school but I am definitely working out a schedule so I can actually stick to this blog :) 

So here we are at day 6 of 365 and I’ve already learned so much about myself and this commitment….

Last saturday I went and watched “The Vow” with a dear friend from home, going into the movie I thought about how even this simple film could effect my decision to stay single for the year. Like most single girls, watching a chick flick reminds me of the fact that I am single, that I don’t have a guy in my life to love me the way characters in Nicholas Sparks’ books seem to love each other. Ironically the same day I went to see the movie my friend Brenna sent me an article titled “Are Chick flicks emotional porn.” And like the article starts out it all depends on how you view them…for some, they may be able to watch love story after love story and not feel lonely at all but for people like me, it’s not that easy. I guess I could relate it to a recovering alcoholic being around beer- it’s a lot harder for them than it would be for myself. 

So that being said, I think it has so much to do with our mindset and our heart set. The reason chick flicks even effect me is because I’m believing the lie that I don’t have a man in my life to love me the way the films depict. I do have a man; I have a man that loves me more than any movie character ever could. I sure as heck do NOT deserve His love but I have it. Don’t get me wrong, the love like that of the characters in The Vow is a true love, one that I hope to be blessed with in the future, but for now He’s more than enough for me. 

I promised I would talk about the things I’m learning but also my struggles; the days when  sticking with this decision is hard as heck but I also have moments. The moment that I have to decide whether or not to respond to a flirty text, especially when it makes me feel so special. It’s these moments that I feel my weakest… I know I’m going to make mistakes over the next year but sometimes I feel like it’s these moments that could make or break my commitment. I am 100% committed to this year and that means that even in the little things I have to be trusting that God is going to give me the strength to walk away, to protect myself and my heart. these are the moments of impact. moments that could impact negatively if I wasn’t choosing to follow my God. 

So there you go. Almost one week into this decision and I’m already super pumped about where God is taking me. 

this is my life. 

ris. 

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3.02.12. commitment,

the beginning of a new day

So I’ve had this blog for about 4 months and I’m lucky if I’m able to post something once a month…but that’s me. I start things, but don’t finish them. I have great visions but no drive. Writing was my outlet in high school, whether it was a research paper or a few short sentences I could communicate what I was thinking so well through written words; I seem to have lost that ability. As for my self-motivation i’ve never been very good. 

I recently watched the movie Juile and Juila— probably not one I’d recommend for it’s cinematography but still ok none the less— and I found myself relating the Julie; the main character struggling with deciding what she wants to do with her life while working at a crappy job. She’s never finished anything, or so her mother keeps reminding her as she describes her new idea- to write a blog. Now during this 2002 setting blogs weren’t quite as popular and internet was not the main source of communication so it was a much bigger deal not to mention the difficulty of Julie’s idea.  Julie’s main goal was to cook each one of Julia Child’s recipes in one year, 524 recipes, 365 days to do it in. While she cooked she would write about her experience and post it to her blog. She succeeded. She completed the 524 recipes and became famous in the process.

I guess that brings us to this blog. No I’m not starting this to get famous, I honestly don’t even expect many (if any) people to follow me but it’s a challenge for myself.  Like I said before I have little self-motivation, I have a great heart I promise and I do mean well I just don’t always (or ever) follow through with the things I say I’m going to. My New Years resolutions usually last about a month and that’s on a good year, it’s just not something I’m very good at. I could easily blame my ADHD but instead I’m going to challenge it. 

My New Years resolution this past January was to give up dating for the year. That’s said in it’s simplest form. I’m giving up boys in general, no I’m not going to become a lesbian— don’t worry mom!— but I’m refocusing. Refocusing on my King and my Savior and my God. So far, being 3 months into the decision- I’ve failed. But that’s why I’m here. I’m holding myself accountable through this blog. Whether I have 0 or 1000 followers I don’t care, this will be a blog for me to be honest about my commitment. My struggles, my strongpoints, and the things God is showing me through it.

So my year, begins today March 2, 2012. It’s not going to be easy, I get that. There are going to be days where I don’t feel like typing or taking time out of my day to talk about my struggles but I’m making the commitment. I’m committing to this blog, to this year, and to my God. I’m not doing this for you, for my parents, or anyone else but myself. Maybe something I learn from this year will help you out in the future, I know it will for me. 

This is my life.  

-ris

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1.07.12.

change.

it’s so easy to look past the things that are right in front of us. More often than not we look for the broken, we search for the hurting; traveling miles to find something that was right here the whole time. just look around, you’ll see the scars, you’ll notice the tears. the fear will become impossible to miss, it is written all over their faces. stop searching, traveling and seeking for the hurting that have been standing right next to you, just hoping one person will see past their wall and barriers. 

i know, it’s become almost a cliche, hearing everyday that we need to pay more attention, we need to pick up on the hurt of our neighbors but it still doesn’t seem to happen. it’s scary taking a chance, loving someone that may never reciprocate the feelings but isn’t that what God did for us? vulnerability is not easy in this society, we live in this fast paced, technology controlled world. a place where we hid our true feelings and our “profiles” are merely an attempt to reinvent ourselves. and maybe that’s why we search so hard and long for hurting people; we’re all so caught up in our appearances that the ones closest to us “couldn’t possibly be hurting.” we’re shallow, our relationships hold little depth, meaning, or honesty.

being honest in general is a foreign concept to many in today’s world, but instead of being the generation to take the lies to the next level, lets be the generation to make the change. stop hiding and start looking…..

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